A Conversation With My Shrink

Some say it’s getting a perspective on life; some call it navigating through the mid-life crisis. These fancy terms fly past my head. Not knowing what you want is scary. And, if you don’t know what you don’t want either, then one needs help. So I talked things through with my shrink and following is a transcript of the conversation.

My Shrink (MS): Hello
Me: Hi

MS: How was your day?
Me: the usual..

MS: Exciting?
Me: Umm..the mundane stuff

MS: Boring?
Me: Maybe

MS: Do you miss work?
Me: I don’t know

MS: Do you want to go back to work?
Me: I don’t know

MS: “I don’t know” your favorite words?
Me: Umm…I don’t know

MS: You don’t know?
Me: ..

MS: Did you like working before?
Me: Maybe

MS: A lot?
Me: Sometimes. Sometimes, not so much.

MS: What part did you like?
Me: The money was good.

MS: So, it’s the money?
Me: Maybe.

MS: Would you consider going again for money?
Me: Maybe.

MS: What’s stopping you?
Me: It’s my son.

MS: What about your son?
Me: Lack of support system. Don’t trust the company of nannies.

MS: If you find a reliable person, will you be able to give up part of your duties such as feeding him, bathing him etc. to someone else?
Me: No.

MS: Do you earn anything at all now?
Me: Yes. A fraction of my earlier income.

MS: Do you love what you do now?
Me: YES.

MS: Which is?
Me: Freelance writing.

MS: More than what you have done all your corporate life?
Me: Sometimes, yes. I miss the company of other people at times.

MS: Have you considered part-time?
Me: Yes, haven’t found a suitable employer.

Sounds like you are doing great now. All you need is a little reassurance to focus more of your time and energy on what you love to do, and the money will automatically come. Get out often and get a life and you’ll sail through this mid-life crisis.

No prizes for guessing who the shrink is. No appointments required. Convenient and Economical. Some benefits of being married!

I Feel Liberated

One down, Eleven more to go. That’s the number of months we’ll have to wait before V returns home. He is slated to complete his education next fall. We’ve stayed apart on and off for over a year in the past six years that we’ve been married but this will be the longest one continuously with no opportunity to meet on long weekends or festive breaks. As with most other things in our lives, this was an unplanned move. So, I just went with the flow meticulously planning what required to be done next. A wise person advised, “When life takes unexpected turns, and there’s little you can do about it, it’s best to go forward with a positive attitude than whine.” Attitude is all I have to see me through this year.

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Why it’s a good idea to deliver babies in September?

“Ever wondered why so many babies are born in September?”, read the tag line of an ad in Chicago’s O’Hare Airport that I’d seen numerous times a few years ago; yet, every time I’d stop by to see the glittering diamond gifted by the husband to his wife on New Year’s eve.  Too late to make a wish for that diamond or LG being a September born.

You’ll know very soon what the fuss about being born in Sept. is all about? But before that, a little history on my schooling. 1st Std. to 12th Std. in 13 schools across 3 states and 2 countries. That should give some insight into my primary and secondary education. I did not do kindergarten because the schools at the places we lived in then did not have one, so I was enrolled into 1 st Std at 3.5 years only to move after a few months; the next place we moved to had a school with KG and I did 3 months of LKG before being sent home indefinitely as I was suffering from the contagious whopping cough. At 6 years, in 1st Std I did not know how to recite the letters of the alphabet in order even in 1st std. though always stood within the first three ranks until the school found out about the “ABC”s and concluded there was something fishy. I didn’t know any rhyme beyond “Twinkle Tiwnkle Little Star” until a year back when I learned  excitedly “Humpty Dumpty” and “Ring a Ring a Roses” while teaching LG. And, I actually did the first 3 months of my 10th Std. with Matriculation syllabus in Tamil Nadu, India before moving on to a CBSE board Indian School in Bahrain. That sets the record straight giving some perspective on my schooling days. Despite so many moves, never once did my parents lose sleep over getting my brother and I admissions in the school, usually only one in the vicinity. Those were simpler days.

I’ve been losing my sanity over finding a school that would accept LG for nursery. Yes, nursery. He turns two-and-a-half next June. Admissions begin as a early as August with the entire process getting over by November, I’ve come to know from my interactions with the schools. Hadn’t it been for a casual statement from a visiting friend about the admission process, I would have slept over it waking up sometime next May to get LG admitted in a nursery. I do live in an Utopian world of my own, don’t I?

Not familiar with the schools around the locality I live in, I sought help from a few people I knew in the apartment of the names of schools kids went to here; then turned to the faithful Google for further info on feedback of schools, distance, phone numbers, admission process etc. It’s been a vicious circle ever since. If the location and medium of education (preferably Montessori) is conducive, then not LG’s age. If LG’s age by some stroke of luck is right, then the admission process is already over in the school.  In short, I got tired of working out the combinations in my head and turned to a spreadsheet like an organised mom listing schools, addresses, age criteria, other requirements, how to apply,  last date, fees, so on and so forth. The query sheets and traceability matrix of most projects I’ve worked on were way simpler and concise than this one.

It is expected of a parent to go to lengths for a child. Right? So I went with the flow until I blew my top while filling the application form for this G*** International School. It read : “A brief about the child’s strengths and problem areas. Please post a write-up about your child.” I worked hard on this one than I have on my resume during my working years. Totally exhausted from racking my brain on the strengths and weaknesses part, I outsourced the write-up part to LG’s dad. What can you say about the strengths of a 1 year, 9 month old kid? Hardworking - works all day pouring sand into his plastic bucket with a spade and climbs up and down tirelessly in the mid-day sun on the slides. Or should it be “a great team player” -believes in sharing his toys with other kids. Or go a step further and say, “believes in learning hands-on” - even if it means keeping a finger at other toddler’s eyes to demonstrate where their eyes are located. Folks, I’m at a loss for word because damn it, the kid is barely a two years old and you expect a write-up and laundry list of strengths and weaknesses. What is this - a shrink session to assess the child on before admitting him/her?

Most schools that I have called have this rule: “As of June 1, the kid should be between 2yr 9 months and 3 years old for Montessori M-0 or (s)he should be between 1 yr 10 months and 2 yr 9 mo to be admitted in toddler session or (s)he should be above 3 years for nursery.”  One school with good feedback, when I prodded on about the right age for LG after they refused to admit him for the next session, said ,”Ma’am, you can consider applying for 1st std when he is 6 years old.” Felt like replying, “Thank you very much. I’ll keep that in mind four years from now and home school my child until then.”This child-planning in all likelihood will beat India’s five-year plans.

Let’s not get started on the fee structure. I feel ashamed at saying that we would be required to spend nearly 70% of what my parents spent for 4 years of my engineering in 1 year for LG’s nursery which is a whopping Rs.70,000. Isn’t this crazy? I did my 4 years of engineering (tuition, hostel, photocopies, stationery, commute and other miscellaneous expenses) in Rs.91,537 or so. Yes, I kept a daily account then. Even factoring in an average of 6% annual inflation should get the nursery fees so high assuming nursery today is equivalent to a regular degree a decade back :) ? And, more than enough reason for me to get back to mainstream work?

My afternoons are fruitfully spent visiting schools and taking a tour of their facilities. On some occasions, I do forget for a minute where I am seeing all those splash pools, swimming pools, gyms, aerobics classes, skating rink if it weren’t for a sudden cry from the day care center or students racing to the buses at the end of the day.  The schools I’ve studied at, even the most sophisticated ones, are a far cry from the ones I’ve seen in the last few days. Individual chairs and tables - not those long wooden benches that I’ve seen all my life, flashy classrooms with colorful posters on the walls - no wonder these schools universally carry the “international” tag. Honestly, I didn’t come back with a good feeling. My stomach churned at the thought of sending my to be 2.5 year old son to BIG schools as these. I was looking for something small and cosy to start his 15 years of basic education; one  that he would look forward to go to every day and not something intimidating with its sheer size and sophistication. The hunt continues.

So, it’s after all not such a bad idea to get that diamond for a New Year gift and start the baby making process in Jan just in time for school admissions?

Moving Cities : Goodbye Pune, Hello Bangalore

After a long wait, I’ve decided to get this out of my head and be done with before logically moving on with the rest of the posts. Here comes the concluding part in the “Moving Cities” series.

Pune NeighbourhoodWith boxes of all sizes and shapes stacked up in every room, we spent the night on plastic covered mattresses laid on the floor; food for us was ordered from outside and some generous neighbours offered to cook up a meal for LG. About 25% of stuff was yet to be packed and we got going the next morning with the carpenter dismantling the wardrobe and the toiletries being stowed away like trash into a stack in the cartons. Yes,  DRS Agarwal - the packers and movers - sucked this time. Satisfied with their services three years ago, we decided to go with them this time too for moving from Pune to Bangalore despite the relatively exorbitant price they charge. And, I regret that decision. The two days that they packed, I had to don on the hat of a supervisor as they lacked coordination and each one was up against the other picking quarrels, delaying loading etc. The last day at Pune was a circus; never had I imagined that so much could be done in twenty-four hours and still be left with energy.  The loading which was scheduled to begin at 11:00 p.m. got delayed to 6:00 p.m. because of a severe shortage of diesel in Pune. To fill the container’s tank took the packers to petrol bunks across the city and by the time it was all done it was late evening.
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Breaking the Silence

What has kept me away for so long from this space if you ask, I’ve no convincing answer. I wanted to do a third part to the “Moving Cities” series followed by a concluding one. If it hasn’t happened in a month, I realized it’s unlikely to happen anytime soon giving me enough reason to just forget perfection for a while and get on with daily blogging. Yes, the damn elusive perfection.

So, here I am typing away furiously on a dark editor close to midnight with a Internet speed of 31.2 Kbps. I’m feeling lucky as most times of the day it is at 19.2 Kbps giving me enough time to type a URL, go cook LG’s lunch and be back by the time the page half loads. BSNL dial-up has made multi-tasking much simpler without the temptation of hanging onto the laptop for extended periods of time. Broadband is happening soon or so I’m told by BSNL. If you need contact numbers of BSNL personnel in Bangalore, don’t hesitate to e-mail me. I have their internal directory with all the numbers listed area-wise (no kidding!) - thanks to a service called 1500 that I call daily. And, please let’s not get started on other service providers - I’d rather not let this blog turn into a grievance or broadband provider-bashing forum.

In other news, the move to Bangalore has provided new writing opportunities. I’ve probably done more work in the past two weeks than I have in the past two years. Keeps the mind busy with a daily industry news project. One more travel piece on “The Magnificent Mile” in a magazine due next month.

Enough to break ice and get started again. Thanks to all of you who have e-mailed asking if all was well following my blogging absence. Back in action now.