Born in the U.S.A.

April 9, 2008 

This post is in response to a comment by a regular reader on the article NRIs: In search of an identity.

The first thing that came to my mind when I saw the question “was being born in India any longer a disadvantage?” was this incident from early 2007. “Vidhi is traveling to U.S on January 20th with her husband”, my granny announced to no one in particular. Everyone around except me knew what was going on. Vidhi was a second cousin of mine who I hadn’t seen in years but heard was doing well. “But isn’t she pregnant?” I asked quite surprised as if pregnant women were forbidden from air travel. “Yes, she is and well into her 7th month” replied grandma matter of factly. Apparently, Vidhi’s husband got his H1 and was yet to be assigned on a project. They were well settled in Chennai and his parents lived with him. The couple’s move to US saw his parents uprooted from their unsafe independent bungalow to a safe apartment elsewhere in the city. The game plan of the couple was to stay over at Vidhi’s cousin’s place until the nature of his project became clear and so did the location. They spent over 40 days at various cousins’ place across East coast before moving to their designated location - a remote town in Georgia. And, the best bit is this - the couple managed her pregnancy and caring for the new born by themselves with help from a few friends the first week. This is a BIG deal for me. It takes a lot of courage to go through a pregnancy in an unknown land with no support system and family around. I know there are many in India who do it alone and in US too but they’ve either been around for a while or have thought it over.

I refrain from passing opinions on things as personal as this one. If life throws something unexpected at you and you have no choice and you come out brave as this couple, then I have all the praise in the world for them. To uproot your parents, lug around your pregnant wife to an unknown country and have no idea where you are going to be - all so your kid will be a natural U.S citizen - this to me is FOOLISHNESS. Seriously. I don’t come usually come out so strongly on anything. What if she had delivered premature because of the stress, what if there was an emergency - they weren’t even familiar with the medical system of the country? I wouldn’t blame just the husband in this - the wife has an equal part in this. The lure of everything U.S just fails me at times. Just so you now, the couple are back in India -the eight month experience has finally taken the sheen away from U.S. Instead of enjoying the newborn, there they were fighting their everyday out. I’ve said this time and again. Life gives us all choices. It’s the choice we make now that makes the life afterward.

This was just not a one off case. You’ll lose count of the people who wait to start a family until their H1 visa and assignment to the US does not come through. It would be unfair on my part to say that I never wanted to travel. Yes, I loved Chicago. Living downtown on Michigan Avenue. The Freedom. Shopping. Independence. Open air. Less people. Wider roads. Better infrastructure. A good life in all - that all of us dream of. But if you ask me, if I would have been ok to live there forever, I don’t think so. There are moments you just don’t feel at home however long you’ve stayed in a country. Words escape even the most conversant one in English - in moments of pain and anguish, what comes out of you is your mother tongue and the longing of company of one of your own. What good is a citizenship when by heart you are all Indian, hang out with the desis, still do the mental conversion in 1:40, flaunt cotton kurtis, tell every acquaintance that goes back to India to get you Lux soaps, agarbathis and Clinic All Clear shampoos and look for Patel shops to do grocery shopping? If you can’t shell out that extra dollar and consume the local brands what were you aspiring for by becoming a citizen?

For us Indians, Americans will always be one of “those” that we can never be. A by-product of British colonization is this awe for everything white - a prejudice so deep that will take years to go away. We all strive for a good life. I don’t blame the parents for this in entirety. They want a good life for themselves and the future generations. They wouldn’t want their kids to hold the blue passport that we do, not apply to universities the hard way like they did and not lose out on opportunities in the corporate ladder and be a code monkey all your life because you’re an Indian.

I’ve become an optimist - sometimes marriage does that to you. India is not as many of you would think. My parents don’t get me china from abroad anymore. Better brands adorn our crockery shelves purchased from the neighboring hypermarket. Get you size GAP jeans and Louis Vuitton bags at the mall next door. You know what a good life to me is - stay in India, visit your parents when you wish to, let them come over when they want to without being worried about the winter snow and holiday as a family at a place anywhere in the world. These are not just words to make you feel good. This is reality in India today. Public infrastructure is getting better. Give it time. By the time, our kids grow their cousins in U.S will want to app for universities in India. Take this from me.

I know a lot of you out there in the U.S read this blog. I hold nothing against you. It’s a choice you made. So this question is to all of you. What is one thing that makes you not want to come back to India?

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Comments

4 Responses to “Born in the U.S.A.”

  1. Poppins on April 9th, 2008 11:48 am

    Back after a long time, had misplaced your url. And what a post to come to ! I loved every single word of it. It’s exactly what I feel to a T. India is not the hopeless case people make it out to be !

    Thanks, Poppins’ mom!

  2. Vivek Nath on April 10th, 2008 11:11 am

    Well said wifey well said indeed….now I get why Pravin was simmering he he he

  3. Dip on April 10th, 2008 4:51 pm

    “By the time, our kids grow their cousins in U.S will want to app for universities in India”
    May be its coming sooner than we think. Check out EconomicTimes today for lobbying to open university for NRIs in India.

  4. Suresh on April 11th, 2008 12:56 pm

    brilliant!

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