I Feel Liberated

One down, Eleven more to go. That’s the number of months we’ll have to wait before V returns home. He is slated to complete his education next fall. We’ve stayed apart on and off for over a year in the past six years that we’ve been married but this will be the longest one continuously with no opportunity to meet on long weekends or festive breaks. As with most other things in our lives, this was an unplanned move. So, I just went with the flow meticulously planning what required to be done next. A wise person advised, “When life takes unexpected turns, and there’s little you can do about it, it’s best to go forward with a positive attitude than whine.” Attitude is all I have to see me through this year.

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Moving Cities : Goodbye Pune, Hello Bangalore

After a long wait, I’ve decided to get this out of my head and be done with before logically moving on with the rest of the posts. Here comes the concluding part in the “Moving Cities” series.

Pune NeighbourhoodWith boxes of all sizes and shapes stacked up in every room, we spent the night on plastic covered mattresses laid on the floor; food for us was ordered from outside and some generous neighbours offered to cook up a meal for LG. About 25% of stuff was yet to be packed and we got going the next morning with the carpenter dismantling the wardrobe and the toiletries being stowed away like trash into a stack in the cartons. Yes,  DRS Agarwal - the packers and movers - sucked this time. Satisfied with their services three years ago, we decided to go with them this time too for moving from Pune to Bangalore despite the relatively exorbitant price they charge. And, I regret that decision. The two days that they packed, I had to don on the hat of a supervisor as they lacked coordination and each one was up against the other picking quarrels, delaying loading etc. The last day at Pune was a circus; never had I imagined that so much could be done in twenty-four hours and still be left with energy.  The loading which was scheduled to begin at 11:00 p.m. got delayed to 6:00 p.m. because of a severe shortage of diesel in Pune. To fill the container’s tank took the packers to petrol bunks across the city and by the time it was all done it was late evening.
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Breaking the Silence

What has kept me away for so long from this space if you ask, I’ve no convincing answer. I wanted to do a third part to the “Moving Cities” series followed by a concluding one. If it hasn’t happened in a month, I realized it’s unlikely to happen anytime soon giving me enough reason to just forget perfection for a while and get on with daily blogging. Yes, the damn elusive perfection.

So, here I am typing away furiously on a dark editor close to midnight with a Internet speed of 31.2 Kbps. I’m feeling lucky as most times of the day it is at 19.2 Kbps giving me enough time to type a URL, go cook LG’s lunch and be back by the time the page half loads. BSNL dial-up has made multi-tasking much simpler without the temptation of hanging onto the laptop for extended periods of time. Broadband is happening soon or so I’m told by BSNL. If you need contact numbers of BSNL personnel in Bangalore, don’t hesitate to e-mail me. I have their internal directory with all the numbers listed area-wise (no kidding!) - thanks to a service called 1500 that I call daily. And, please let’s not get started on other service providers - I’d rather not let this blog turn into a grievance or broadband provider-bashing forum.

In other news, the move to Bangalore has provided new writing opportunities. I’ve probably done more work in the past two weeks than I have in the past two years. Keeps the mind busy with a daily industry news project. One more travel piece on “The Magnificent Mile” in a magazine due next month.

Enough to break ice and get started again. Thanks to all of you who have e-mailed asking if all was well following my blogging absence. Back in action now.

The Move

A person in his late 20s or early 30s aspires for three things primarily in his life: a) wife b) MBA c) house - not necessarily in the same order. Those who got into the marriage trap early usually go in for a house immediately - sense of security to have a roof over your head. When the marital bliss slowly fades, career overhaul takes a priority and this is when MBA figures in the scheme of things.

For V, the first and last happened in quick succession leaving the MBA out of our priorities for a few years. Rather, should I say the first time when the opportunity knocked on its door (IIM - Bangalore) in 2005, he let it pass until it happened again this summer.

We, as a family, can’t stay in one place for too long; we’ve moved every August for three consecutive years and then stayed put in Pune for three years - the longest since we’ve been married. Not every move to a different city/country has seen a change in job. This August it’s time to move again; the destination is Bangalore. V will be off to IIM Calcutta to pursue his MBA while LG and I stay in Bangalore.

This cycle started sometime in March - in actions but in thoughts it has been there for longer. There was a complacency, you know the familiar “hitting the glass ceiling” kinda feeling. Everthying was good - comfortable life, good compensation, sane working hours, good recognition. There you go - when the going is good and you are comfortable that is the first sign to get out of a job because you stop trying for better things, in my opinion. V was contented and laidback - it was me who got the itch and pushed him for it. I threw a fit sometime in the last week of March when he mentioned about this course. I wasn’t keen on staying alone with LG for a year and wanted him to do something that is a residential program. We debated (heatedly at times) over whether to apply or not and decided to put it in the back burner for a while and focus all our energies on the residential ones. Five days before the last date for applying, in an impulse he got his act together and sent the courier one morning - essays written overnight, recos signed etc etc. He said, “Let me try. It’s just to get my confidence the motivation to apply for other schools.” I didn’t say much - I have it in me to not carry the aggression and arguments till the end - I lose steam somewhere in the middle. The rest is history - once the call came, the entrance and interview happened over a weekend at IIT Kanpur and he got selected. It just followed a natural course with everyone excited in the family and it was only expected of me to start planning on what to do next - logistics, planning, and how to manage the year ahead. I’ve lived alone in the past but with a toddler it gets a little dicey - knowing LG for one who can get a bump on his head in a second and finds the head rest of a sofa a comfortable place to rest his bum on.

I’ve never been a big fan of MBA. But it’s not fair to be so generic. I’m not a big fan of those MBAs who go to business school straight out of grad school with no experience, and later join the workforce as Business Analysts.  Seriously, think of a Business Analyst taking requirements from banking veterans and then going on to argue about how a stock trading system works. It’s a different thing to have hands-on experience on something even if you don’t have the industry experience. Bookish knowledge and endless hours of arguments (fancy name: case studies) is what the country’s B-Schools teach. This is not my imagination - I’ve had the (mis)fortune of working with a few IIM grads (yea yea the top tier Management Institute of tis country) on a Asset Management Project. I don’t care what they go on to become later in life because it would be unfair not to acknowledge some of the greats those institutes have produced such as KV Kamath. The point is I truly admire business grads and schools abroad because of the emphasis on work ex. It’s the concept in India that I have a problem with - when they join the industry straight out of college after MBA, they pretty much suck which is fine. My grouse is they carry it on their heads that they know it all and are never ready to acknowledge that and learn!

Off track again..this is what years of working business analysts does to you. Anyways so what made the decision easier was the following:

1. Was there a better time to do it than now? No. The ideal time would have been without a spouse and with no family. Spouse is still ok but it gets complicated when there is a child with the emotional factor of separation thrown in. We can’t change that now for us. It will just be much more harder a few years later, so it’s better to just do it now and get over with it.

2. Next in the criteria was financial standing. It seems as this stage we can pull this through with some funding with neither of us being employed for a year. With LG starting school in a few years, commitments will rise and second thoughts will come in. As compared to other schools such as IIM A, ISB which come at much higher cost, this fared better. So it’s a tick on that front too.

3.  Is this degree really required? There is no single answer to it and not a straight one for sure. Even if there is no benefit of it,  education has done no harm.. has it? Moreover, one of the reasons one does an MBA is to get an entry into some of the companies where otherwise it would be impossible to be heard, much less be entertained - the likes of McKinsey, Goldman Sachs etc. Contacts, alumni and transition to different role/industry are the other obvious advantages - how much you leverage these is up to an individual. The school provides a platform and an opportunity which would otherwise be very difficult to get. And in my opinion, this is what you pay for!

So, I guess the decision is made!

The second child debate

I don’t know how to begin this one. It’s best to start with the obvious - before you run images in your head of a pregnant-again me or LG getting a sibling for company , let me put your doubts to rest. Not so soon, at least not yet.

A friend recently announced that a second baby is on its way later this year. As a first time parent, I can now appreciate what a second child means - to the first child, to the parents and in general to the family as a whole.  Before we became parents, I recall my reaction when my neighbor announced she was expecting a second one. My reaction was far from understanding of anyone who wanted a second child - more often the reasoning being why such educated people care so less about the society in general and are so selfish giving so little thought about contributing to the already billion+ population. I would reason in my head what if every one of us reproduced two which by the way comes easily to Indians - not that Indians have more sex than the rest of the world (statistics say).  The decision to have or not to have is something personal that requires no discussion from anyone not involved, much less an unwarranted opinion. This is India - a democracy for Pete’s sake not China where you will be put behind bars for not exercising control. People who thought like me were often congratulatory of desis reproducing more than one because those developed countries need a younger population decades later and don’t want the birth rate to come down any further - the desis are happy to do their bit even if the motive is personal. And the same very people would criticize and question when the folks went in for more in India.

This is a favorite topic in the mommy blogosphere where tons of posts are written citing their reasons for expanding the family that range anywhere from company for the older sibling after the parents pass away to we didn’t plan, so what - it’s our choice - you take a hike! Those who plan debate over the issue endlessly before taking the plunge. In many cases, those who choose not to go ahead are usually because the first pregnancy was a very difficult one right from conception tho delivery and the trauma so much so that they are not mentally prepared to go down the same path a second time. Sometimes career and financial reasons too come into consideration.  I doubt if there is any parent who doesn’t care for a second one because the first one was too naughty to handle.

We haven’t come to that phase of life to so much as discussing a second one. There are times when it seems like LG getting a sibling sounds like a cool idea. Not so cool when I think of the moments when a jug of water is poured down the floors of the just-mopped drawing room or a mouthful of wet sand from the pot in the balcony or my beautiful broken vase splattered all over the rug. It is draining physically and mentally. But they say it is easy the second time round. LG’s park friend’s mom once said, “your first child never grows up until the second one arrives. then both of them grow together and fast enough.” I doubt if my mother would agree to this one :)

I share a very healthy relationship with my brother. If there’s one thing that would ever make me consider second one, it has to be because of this relationship with my brother - which I hope LG will cherish as a lifelong gift to him.  The days I am down and out, all it takes is to pick up the phone and call him not worrying about what hour of the day it is considering he lives timezones away. Buried deep in household chores, I’ve lost count of the calls I miss from him but that doesn’t stop him from calling or taking offense. This is not calling “taking for granted” or taking liberties.  It is being yourself and not having to explain. Running out of topics to talk on is hard to come by - there’s always something even if it was those stupid ghar-ghar games we played on Sunday afternoons when we were kids or how many times we got spanked by dad for throwing balls in the toilet. They say true friends fit this description. True, but only to an extent.

V is a single child who has never played games like Chinese Checker or Chess that require more than one player. Most of the games he is fond of to this day are outdoorish like soccer that they played at school. A single child grows mature too soon for his age. Childhood leaves them soon enough. On the other end of spectrum is the case of my mother who was born with nine siblings. That must’ve been a riot at home every day. It was - I’ve seen it. They’ve grown too old now and too apart for whatever reasons. But it was fun when it lasted. Most importantly, they stood by each other when it mattered the most - through the ups and downs of each other.

I have all these examples laid out before me. It wouldn’t be tough to decide which way to take when the time arrives. Until, then it’s Lil’ General who rules our lives.

Six years of togetherness

It’s not our anniversary though it’s coming up in a few weeks’ time. Today is the sixth wedding anniversary of the dimply-giggly one from the gang of girls. A fellow Aquarean, she led the 2002 marriage pack leaving many wondering if we married too early. Married to a fellow college-mate the couple make an enviable pair! (This is not a riddle.. stop guessing who it is)

I sat sipping my evening cuppa and was left wondering how quickly six years pass by. I know we say that every year…six…it’s not one of those whole numbers like five, 25 that deserves a jubilee but nevertheless it’s a celebration for having made it through every year. Marriage brings with it responsibilities (whether you like it or not), commitments and makes you a juggler for life. It brings with it moments when you’re left wondering how you’d never seen this shade of your spouse all these years. We (’02 pack) married too early..when the peer group was busy charting out career plans, further education, better dating ideas, exotic vacations etc etc and had no room in their lives for permanency - leave alone having and expanding the family. True but it’s incredible that we have embraced it and sailed it equally well.

So…this is to the wise jugglers who seem to have their priorities right - education, good job, house, better job, more education ..in the same order and keep the “happily married” part together! Wish you guys many more years of togetherness!

A new Notebook

Acer 5920Last Sunday, we got ourselves a new Acer 5920. Small enterprises are so much better than the large corporates in doing business. Less bureaucracy, less effort bargaining and good service make them a better choice. V ordered this late Saturday evening and it was home delivered by Sunday morning.

But I still can’t get over the old HP laptop that’s been with us through thick and thin for past 4 years. It made weird sounds, switched on only in a particular position - the art I never perfected, crashed, felt like a heater at times when the fans stopped working and a slight touch here or there caused it to shutdown - LG’s handiwork. He has sat on it, slapped it hard, dropped the battery a few times and pulled the wire cord hard on numerous occasions. I am surprised it survived this long and worked at the most critical of times when I had to turn in an assignment. We might get it repaired shortly once we get used to this new guy!

Turning thirty (plus one)

Sometime mid-February I reached a significant milestone of one’s life - turning Thirty. Today V turned 31. Has anything changed one might wonder? Little does - it wasn’t that big a deal as was made out in F.R.I.E.N.D.S - we didn’t have a mega mid-night party or crying episodes over the three decades lost with no life-partner in sight or even as close as to getting a (girl) boyfriend. One thing is sure - we are no longer officially the “bhaiya” and “didi” that kids often addressed us as. Age is not to blamed in entirety for this - it’s part age, part parenthood - looks right for kids to address us as uncle and aunty with a toddler in tow after all!

Thirty for us is comforting and less anxious than twenty was when one worried about graduating from college, landing in a decent job and what they call in India as standing on your own feet. Thirty is good - comes with less pressure, settled life and half dreams fulfilled. I always wanted to grow old. Kept counting the years when I wouldn’t have to goto college anymore right from the first year. Four years seemed long. Hated school, college and was so glad to pass out and never have to go back to any campus again. Funny how I always envied people who were older and worked not have to worry about exams…Now I am at that stage in life and it’s nice for once. Gosh! I am sounding like half -retired and 50 years old. See that’s what happens when life’s necessities get fulfilled early ( a home, a car, good vacations etc etc) - you have to work hard now to know what your next dream and ambition in life is.. Else at 40 I will sound like a 80 year old living a mediocre life not enthusiastic about anything. The mid-life crisis hasn’t hit me yet!

Anyways, the day was great with V getting wishes more than any other year. Thanks to Orkut - people no longer have to depend on their memory like I still do.

Names and nicknames

The decision “to nickname or not to nickname” is certainly not something I would lose my sleep over. Yet, I decided to give it some serious thought when a wise, worldly and well-informed acquaintance of ours asked with concern, “Aren’t you going to have a nickname for Lil’ General?” That was the most natural thing to do, according to him. A name that is personal, known only to family and something creates a special bonding. Hypothetically, when LG is 50 and I’m nearing my 80s (I know, high hopes to live on until then), I wonder how calling him “chotu” would look like. Make him feel younger? Read more

To dad, the writer

Every time my article has been published and I’d got to know, I’d call up dad at work. His voice said it all as to how proud he was of me. Dad is a man of few words. The one who has encouraged me in all my endeavors silently pushing me to give in my best - be it trying for a new job, freelancing, trading or now writing.
I know he reads my blog regularly now. I have never cared so much about who reads my blog or what they think of it as much as I have begun to now. He has raised the bar for me by reading my blog. I care about how I churn my articles now because there’s a standard I want to meet and wouldn’t want to wrote carelessly anymore.
Dad, any day, writes thousand times better than I do. He never knew he had it in him to write, until one Sunday in August, 1988 when a colleague of his approached him to write an essay on “Energy Conservation” for his daughter who was taking part in an Essay Competition in school the next day. What was strange is his daughter and I studied in the same school and shared the first two ranks amongst us every after year. So dad decided to write the essay but instead asked me to participate. If there was one thing I have been good at like all the other million school going kids in India, it was at rote learning (for the record, I don’t take any pride in that and wouldn’t ever want LG to pick up that). I churned out the essay word by word the and went on to win the competition. Prizes in elocution, debates and essay competitions followed for the next three years.

The proudest moment for dad came in 1991 when I went for the State Level debate on “Natural Disaster”. I regret not saving those sheets of paper on which he wrote. To this day, I don’t think I can ever write such a to-the-point, well researched essay on any topic with all the information I need being just a click away. The school did not sponsor beyond the district level. So dad bore the expense which was a LOT those days to take me from Gulbarga to Bangalore. I didn’t win against contestants who were much older than I but the journey was an experience I will cherish forever. Every contestant had his/her school teacher on the stage changing slides for them as they spoke, for me dad was with me on the stage. I was nervous but he said I was good, which was bigger than any prize that I would’ve got. The stage was mine but the words and research were dad’s, the encouragement and practice those of mom. Looking back, I guess I am fond of writing because of what I saw in dad, the writer who never wrote professionally. I would be more than thrilled to see him write professionally and getting published.

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