A Blueprint For My Old Age

I’m in my early thirties now; going by the increasing life expectancy rates and beating the odds of passing away in an eventuality or sickness, let’s say I (and V) live on for another 30-40 years (too long a time!). It’s too early to comment on when we would retire, which part of the world we would be in and where we would want to settle down. Often, talking about retirement the talk revolves around planning. Planning, primarily financial in nature, starts as early as when you are 28 years old these days though it started a few decades later for our parents’ generation owing to various reasons - parental obligations, supporting a larger family, building a house etc etc. Financial planning is a given in today’s times and most other lifelong dreams are met by the time one is 28 or 29 - a car, a house, foreign vacation - expand the list to your fancy.

What keeps you happy - relationships or money?

Alright, I’ve had enough of this. It’s time to get it out of my system. First - before you let your thoughts run wild, let me clear the air that all’s well with our relationship. Sunday’s Time Life supplement from The Times of India is lying on my desk next to the laptop for the past three days and as always I can’t believe what they write or I am almost sure they just make up such fancy stories to increase readership.

The story called “Best of both worlds!” with the description “Many couples believe leading parallel romantic lives is no big deal. Biswadeep Gosh gets to the bottom of it” is either a work based on fact or fiction. I would like to think it is fantasy but Mr. Ghosh would like readers to face the truth. Read more

Social Interaction for LG and Apartment Hunt in Pune

Thinking how two varied topics as LG’s social skills and our moving to an apartment are related? To begin with we currently live in a sprawling independent bungalow of about 200 sq. ft with a balcony, huge terrace and a car park. It is spacious and nice devoid of all the wood work, storage space and interiors. It took us months to get settled and still it is not an organized home even after nearly 3 years. Averse to investing in cupboards that would not be of any use to us when we move back to our flat, we did not buy much - just the bare bone needed to keep a home functional with all the extra stuff locked away in the three bedroom in cartons that was either never used or only once in a while. So long it was just the two of us, this house was amazing with wonderful people for house owners. Read more

Career and Marriage - a reality check?

Forbes article titled “Don’t Marry Career Women” Michael Noer is controversial enough to trigger a feminist revolution. Noer defines a career woman who has a university-level (or higher) education, works more than 35 hours a week outside the home and makes more than $30,000 a year. I would fit into that description until the end of September. If you are a woman and reading this, there is a good chance you are one too.

Alright, he has gone a little too far by making a huge statement that “Do not marry a career woman” supported by his references to studies done in the past:

If a host of studies are to be believed, marrying these women is asking for trouble. If they quit their jobs and stay home with the kids, they will be unhappy ( Journal of Marriage and Family, 2003). They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do ( Social Forces, 2006). You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do ( Journal of Marriage and Family, 2001). You will be more likely to fall ill (American Journal of Sociology). Even your house will be dirtier ( Institute for Social Research).

A lot of “if’s” there encouraging successful career men not to marry. Does he realize the socio-economic imbalance this would cause? Neither of these high-flyers is going to be satisfied in their lives with just their careers by staying single. On the other hand, if this encourages a trend for women not to pursue their careers aggressively, is he suggesting we head back to the 60s/70s causing a gender disproportion in the workforce? Would people like me “who quit their jobs and stay home with the kids be unhappy?’ Is it about the money or is about the social networking and everything that goes with a full time job?

I fail to understand what the motive of this article was or what he was trying to convey. In either case, instead of getting offended outright by Noer’s remarks, I think it is good to read it with an open mind. There are valid points – ones closer to reality that is hard to accept. Sure, career woman fail to keep a home that is as clean as your neighbor who is a stay-at-home mom and I’ve felt this all my life. This guilt drives you to work hard at home over the weekends and before you realize life is a planned one full of post-it notes and to-do lists that never ends! With aspirations of being that perfect coworker, perfect wife at home, perfect mom like your mom was and an impeccable home..in short striving for perfection in everything just leads to an emptiness in life.