Friends : Real, Virtual and otherwise

March 18, 2008 

One evening day last week, my neighbor downstairs mentioned casually that it was her husband’s birthday and was upset how none of his family remembered to wish him. Most of their well-knit family live in the city and get-together at the drop of a hat. Otherwise a very cheerful lady, she was visibly upset. As soon as the husband S came, V and I went downstairs to surprise him; that cheered her a bit. And, within minutes one of her friends who lives down the lane stopped by with a huge chocolate cake.

This was one real surprise and I was moved. This is what friendships are about. To have that one person/family in your life whom you can stand by and who will be there for you any time of day/night; some place you can drop by without calling; where you can drop by for dinner unannounced and share their dal/chawal or roti or whatever is there on the table and not fuss about it; people around whom you don’t have to wear the diplomacy hat, shed your formality and just be yourself not having to explain every act and every bad day; where you can just let your guard down and not worried about what conversations to make and what to say/not to say; no expectations whatsoever; people with whom you can make your holiday plans; people who come over without calling to help you decorate on your kids’ birthday party and someone you can celebrate all your festivals with; it is not just about socializing it’s all about having fun together….you get it..don’t you? Irony is such friendships are so hard to come by these days. And these families do all of these with so much ease given their hectic schedules and are so much fun together that I sometimes envy them - touch wood. The children gel so well and the husbands spend the evening chatting away while the ladies cook and gossip making the environment lively!
It’s convenient to keep to ourselves in isolation and not drive that extra hour to meet someone; make new friends and socialize. No wonder our circle of friends are diminishing when we’d rather spend an hour or two Orkutting rather than drive to a birthday party and make a kid happy, won’t we? 100s of virtual friends on Orkut and not a handful real ones to stand by at times of need. How many of us prefer e-mails to picking up the phone and calling a friend? I sometimes wonder if there is any difference between a friend and an acquaintance; any personal touch in an online community? any warmth in an e-mail or an SMS that can move you. When was the last time you picked up the phone and wished someone on a birthday? Spending that time and effort in keeping a friendship alive is seen as an investment isn’t it….For some, conversations come easy and so does making new friends. For some who border on the socially recluse category like me, it is tough. We are choosy and make only a handful but we strive to keep them for life. Not here today, gone tomorrow type. I may not have one friend in every city of the world to boast of but the ones I have are to be cherished for life!

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