I Feel Liberated

September 27, 2008 

One down, Eleven more to go. That’s the number of months we’ll have to wait before V returns home. He is slated to complete his education next fall. We’ve stayed apart on and off for over a year in the past six years that we’ve been married but this will be the longest one continuously with no opportunity to meet on long weekends or festive breaks. As with most other things in our lives, this was an unplanned move. So, I just went with the flow meticulously planning what required to be done next. A wise person advised, “When life takes unexpected turns, and there’s little you can do about it, it’s best to go forward with a positive attitude than whine.” Attitude is all I have to see me through this year.


Independence and self-reliance is not new to any woman who was worked and lived alone in a city. But it’s challenging to live with a toddler and fill in the shoes of a mother and father, run the household, pay the bills, ensure groceries are stocked, maintain the social life necessary to deal with emergencies, and above all be in good health. Bangalore has never been good to me in terms of health. Within a month of moving here, I’ve had two throat infections taking its due course of cough, cold, and fever. It’s unfair to expect a kid of barely 2 years to understand his mother is not well. Times such as these are demanding when they expect you to run up and down and go-to the park umpteen times. Sick or otherwise, dinner has to be laid. It’s crazy but it has been good. I’ve been on my toes literally. I’m also doing my bit to earn a bit while V is away that eases the pressure off us for the next one year. Which in turn translates to late nights to work on projects for the only time I get to go anywhere near the laptop is when LG is asleep which is after 10:00 p.m.

I’ve never felt so happy and confident in the one month that V has been away. Yesterday, I drove the car to one of LG’s schools. Once back to the apartment, parked it in the first attempt. It’s a tricky parking lot and I’ve never tried doing it before so this was a huge achievement. What’s the big deal about driving you may ask?

Three years ago to this very month, the car we were riding in met with an accident. Two pitch-drunk guys hit the car from behind around noon. Yes, in broad daylight. We stopped immediately hearing the bang. To our shock, the guys lay in a pool of blood. Giving little thought to the fact that it was their mistake, we rushed them to a nearby hospital in the car we were travelling, got them admitted and their lives were saved. Filed a FIR later etc. The episode was over and done with by the end of the day. But the incident shook me beyond words can explain. I was so shocked that I refused to step into a car for the next month. I had changed jobs and was required to go by car because of lack of proper transportation. Got a driver who rode me both ways but I was such a wreck that through the entire journey every day, I sat on the edge of the seat clutching my hands tightly, saying prayers through the ride, and imaginatively applying brakes whenever someone even if it were a cow that came within a distance of 5 feet. This is India, you can’t expect to keep a 5 feet distance, can you? The driver was psyched taking me around that he finally quit and I changed jobs again because it was mentally draining to travel that way. The firm I worked at for a month didn’t believe I was quitting because of the distance! Little changed in my behavior over the next one year. Slowly, I started going out with V and every time mom visited she reassured he was driving fine and that I shouldn’t be so anxious all the time.

It’s been three years since. Life throws circumstances at you and has its own way of teaching us important lessons. There have been times in the past one year with LG when we’ve had emergencies late evening and have had to consult the Pediatrician. With ageing parents-in-law at home and a toddler, it was important to know how to drive and not look around for an auto in the night. So, with a lot of mental strength I made up my mind , put my foot down that I’d learn driving again which I did in 10 days before V left. It had been a month and I’d not taken the car out. So after mustering a lot of courage yesterday, took my father-in-law along and drove to LG’s school back and forth yesterday afternoon. A huge achievement in itself. I’ve never felt so independent ever before and would rather not jinx it by saying any more. You get the point!

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