Your Biggest Critic?

November 25, 2008 

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you.” - William Arthur Ward

I’ve made peace with myself, finally. Criticism and comparison has plagued me all my life. My best critics were at home: my family - brother in particular. My parents were very sparse in their words when it came to appreciation for fear of letting success get to my head, as I understand their intentions better now. But in their own subtle ways they encouraged us by rewarding with simple gifts that I wish I had treasured. They were more attached to the trophies we won as kids - my mom going to the extent of polishing those brass and bronze statues every year. Sometimes it amazes me as to how these objects have made through our years of moving across cities and countries so much so that the hand-written note on the bottom of every prize citing the year and the name of competition is still intact. My mother would get me an audio cassette of the latest Hindi releases of my choice every time I stood first in class. I recall getting Aashiqui and Dil cassettes in the consecutive months. My brother always reaped the benefits of my hard work, in a way :) So mom would be never like, “Great or Good job.” but more of the sort, “You’ve got to aim for 100 in the next term or finish this year with an overall first”. The bar was always raised higher pushing me to achieve the next best. In a way, it motivated me to take challenges I would never have dreamed of.

My dad of all, has been very proud of me all along. He has never missed an awards function in which I was due to receive a prize. The most vivid one in my memory is that of the Independence Day in 5th grade when I received 5 prizes. It was raining cats and dogs and the school had erected a make-shift tent under which hundred odd students and parents had assembled. Dad kept scuttling back and forth to receive the prizes on my behalf as a bunch of we students were stranded at the other end of the school getting ready for a skit (which was eventually canceled) unable to reach the venue due to the downpour. He counts that among one of his proudest moments. Appreciative of kids in front of others while absolute silence and no acknowledgement to us has been his stand all these years until recently. While mom maintains a dignified silence talking absolutely nothing about her kids to others, which I consider cool because it takes a lot to be that way. With LG around, I know what it takes to keep mum about your child.

Constructive criticism is good. It’s finding fault for every action that can get to one’s nerves - something I’ve never been subjected to. The greatest compliment in all these years that nearly moved me to tears came recently. It was from Dad a few weeks ago when he said he was proud of what I did now. This is HUGE. Encouraged by the words, I read the mail over and over again pinching myself to believe it wasn’t a dream. It was for REAL. I love what I do now, to write. Nothing has made him more happier than to see my name in print. I’ve reached the stage where I don’t look for validation of everything I do. Writing is a path of self-discovery for me; it’s not a full-fledged career yet because the “C” factor is missing. Confidence of making a living from writing will come once I start f  believing in the written word and devote more time than the current 2-hours-a-day.

Do you have a critic at home?

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